Brain dump

Alright. I’ve been spending a ton of time on homework and no time blogging.  So, I guess it’s time to just do a complete memory dump to get out what’s been going on in my life.

1. School: As some of you know, I’m moving soon (about 4 weeks from now).  So, knowing I would be moving this semester, I dropped down to half time classes and they are online.  I’m trying to get them out of the way before I move though because my exams have to be done AT school.  It’s the most frustrating thing I’ve ever heard of.  2 years of classes on campus and I’ve taken fewer at school exams than I will have for 2 online classes.  More frustrating is the fact that they are no notes and no book.  I was powering through the homework, assuming that the at school exams would be similar to the one at home exam I took thus far, and so I wasn’t doing the best at writing things to memory.  I also was just chugging through chapters to get to the end, thinking I would go take the 2 exams for Accounting once I’d finished all the homework.  But, now that I found out we can’t use notes, I have to stop, go back, study, then go take one exam.  It really has put a cramp in the momentum I’d built up.  This is disheartening because this semester is probably the most motivated I’ve been to do homework in my entire life.  And now that I’ve been derailed (because working 3rd shift doesn’t work well with going to campus to take exams) I fear that I will lose too much time trying to adjust sleep to be timely on completing the class.   Well, there’s a bit on school.

2. Work: My time here is finally nearing an end.  After 3+ years and ZERO raises, I’m counting down the days to saying GOODBYE!  Even though they’ve treated me sorta poorly, I still feel some guilt having known for months that I would be leaving and not letting them know.  I might give a two and a half week notice instead of a two week notice. The guilt is caused by: I am the only Security Officer here.  We recently lost the other 2 that had been working here and I am the only one with the proper knowledge to train new people.  If I leave before we get new hires (which is seeming more and more likely), I will be leaving these guys high and dry.  I do plan on letting my boss know that I will be available for training new hires on Friday and Saturday nights, but the 3 hour drive up to do that doesn’t sound especially fun or worth it.  Hopefully we have our new people by next week. (fingers crossed)  The best part of this is that I will no longer be working with my ex.  Working with her has been a torment and a half for the past 6 months.  I always knew that dating people you work with was possibly a bad idea, but I never thought I’d fall for someone the way I did her.  The best 3 months of my life got overshadowed by the worst 6 months (nearing 7) of my life.  Hopefully, with quitting this job and relocating, I can finally put her in the past for good and move on with my life, whatever that entails.

3. Personal:  Well, I already touched on the Catalina issue.  Some days I miss her so bad, I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and begin a voyage to find her.  Other days, I’m sickened with myself for feeling such feelings for a person who so easily threw me to the curb.

Speaking of exes.  The ex-fiance, Kim, who I’d finally gotten over enough to become good friends with (by gaining such incredible feelings for Catalina), is no longer allowed to talk to me.  Long story, I won’t divulge details, NO I didn’t do anything with her (so don’t go there people).  But, it saddens me a bit.  She had become someone I talked to on a pretty frequent basis in the past few months and now my days will be that much more empty.

I’ve complained for 3 years that I’ve yet to make a friend in Northern Virginia, but now I’m kind of glad (and that statement isn’t completely true.  But Michelle, little will change in our friendship with me being 3 hours away).  Picking up and moving away is hard when you have to give things up like friends.  Moving away from Milwaukee was incredibly difficult because I had a feeling that by moving, I would no longer see friendship in many of the people I left behind.  I was right.  Now, when I go back, I’ve got about 4-5 friends who I try to see, compared to the at least 20 I frequently saw while I lived there.  A small minded people they can be; no one can understand why someone would move away.  It’s not the way it works in Milwaukee.  Generations of families are there, no one leaves.

Danny and I are still friends of course, but after 23 years, is anyone surprised?  I think he tires of me talking to Catalina, but hopefully he’ll stick it out just another few weeks until I finally have the strength AND distance to let that drug go.

Dylan is enjoying college.  Busy guy he has become.  I hardly even get texts from him anymore.  But, it was expected.  I’m not mad at him.  I’m glad he’s found his way and is enjoying the college experience.  It’s something I never really got to have and I sometimes envy him for the life he was allowed to live, but we’ll be ok in the end.  As long as he doesn’t become an elitist prick that is. 🙂

*side note: They just gave a tornado watch over the radio! Sweeeet*

4. Entertainment:  I’m a bit bummed.  I finally watched a couple movies this weekend that I’d been waiting to see (Robin Hood [2010] and The Expendables [2010]) but I feel I’ve been slacking in the entertainment area.  I’ve bought several games for my Xbox 360 that haven’t even been opened, I haven’t started watching any of the new Fall season of tv shows and I’m WAY behind on watching movies.  I never thought I’d become too busy to do these simple things.  Of course, once I move, I’ll have more than enough time to do these things, but for the last 3 months, I’ve really fallen behind.  I also have something like 7 or 8 books I’ve purchased recently that I’ve yet to crack open either.  I can’t believe my life is so consumed.  Oh and if you haven’t seen Robin Hood [2010], you should watch it.  It’s much different than the nineties version, but I thought it was pretty good.  If you’re a fan of movies like Gladiator or 300, then give it a shot. 

5. Closing: Well, I think that’s all I need to talk about for now.  A lot has been bouncing around in my head as of late, but nothing that need be shared with the world, yet, at least.  I’m feeling a lot better, emotionally, physically and mentally, than I was not too long ago.  I hope that this trend keeps going.  I might get back to being a normal person.  I’m starting to be able to handle the fact that though I have some control over where my life goes, I don’t have control of the outcomes or the timelines.  I’m going to try my best to learn how to roll with the punches and enjoy the things that come to me and try to worry less about the things that don’t.  I guess for now, a family isn’t in my near future, which is probably best if I’m ever to finish college.  I can’t promise to give up on wanting to find love, but I have given up looking for it, for now.  If it finds me, hopefully I can pull my nose away from the ground long enough to see what’s right in front of me and if not, it wasn’t meant to be.  To my friends who read my blog, thanks for sticking with me and to those I may not know, thanks for taking a gander.  Take care all!


About houseofgeekdom

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4 responses to “Brain dump”

  1. Michelle says :

    who knows what norfolk will bring… have a thing for southern girls? 😉 i think you’ll find it to be a different environment down there. i know you probably view all of VA as “the south” since you’re from UP THERE, but there is a noticeable difference between this area and actual southern VA. people are nicer down there, for example!

    • dhouse1985 says :

      I do not consider Northern Virginia the south. Northern Virginia should be it’s own state. I do consider where I’m moving to be the south, kinda. I do like southern girls, but I’m thinking that finding a wife, or even a girlfriend should just be out of the question for good. I’ve fallen back into place to where I was about 8 months ago, realizing that with all the stupid rules I’ve built in my head and with as picky as I am, I’m not going to find someone I can cohabit with. Catalina hit every single mark that I’d ever thought to define and that is the only reason I gave her a shot. 1 in a billion I say, and not worth trying again.

  2. Danny says :

    Dude you know that I will always listen to your venting even if its about the same shit thats what family is for man.

    • dhouse1985 says :

      I know, dude. I know. Well, I hope to know. After Tom, I just don’t know anymore. I never thought he’d be the guy to turn into a dick and shun me from his life.

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